As a person moves beyond the initial phase of diagnosis and making treatment decisions, questions regarding other aspects of the person’s life become increasingly important. Often, such concerns include intimacy, sexuality, and sexual side effects during and after diagnosis and treatment. For some people, how-ever, sex is a difficult topic to talk about, both with [...]

I feel that my husband and I are growing apart since his cancer diagnosis. Why is this happening? This is a hard question to answer without understanding much about a couple’s relationship before the cancer diagnosis. However, cancer is a huge stress on individuals, families, and couples, and this stress can strain even the closest [...]

The simple answer is that you are both spouse and care-giver. Unexpected illness and/or disability make many couples reexamine their relationships and how they view their respective roles. While they may have previously expected to regard each other, at least ideally, as equal partners, the practical and emotional dictates of caregiving—and the often ambiguous question [...]

After his wife was diagnosed with cancer, one husband said, “I feel like I am a passenger in a car on a dangerous, icy road. My wife is driving, and she is ultimately in control of crucial decisions that will affect both of us, and I am fearful of what will happen.” Just as patients [...]

With the doctor’s appointments, the chemotherapy, and all the changes in our lives, both my husband and I seem to “blow up” at the smallest thing. How do we handle this? Sometimes fluctuations in mood can result in “blow-ups.” This may be bickering with loved ones, over-reacting to daily hassles (e.g., traffic, your child spilling [...]

In the beginning, a diagnosis can reasonably consume a lot of time and energy. After the initial crisis and treatment decisions are made, it is important to allow other aspects of your lives to regain importance. Granted, if a future crisis arises, less urgent things are put on the back shelf—but it is important to [...]

A person with cancer may experience a number of changes that can cause negative feelings. Caregivers, too, can be confronted with numerous changes and may have to learn to live with unexpected limitations in their lives. Frustration builds in various ways. Some-times the problems are minor, but occur frequently, perhaps on a daily basis. Sometimes [...]

Medications are helpful to some people suffering from depression, anxiety, and high levels of distress. Depression and anxiety involve physiological changes in the brain and can be helped with medications such as anti-depressants and anti-anxiety prescriptions. Sometimes people are reluctant to take such medication because they are afraid it means that they are weak or [...]

Despite the fact that my son was diagnosed with cancer almost two months ago, I constantly think about his cancer and feel down much of the time. What should I do? Would counseling help? Despite using adaptive coping skills, many people still find that further guidance is helpful. A good place to start finding help [...]

I am not really interested in attending  a group or talking with a bunch of people about my caregiver concerns. Where do  I find other caregivers with whom I can talk one-on-one? Buddy programs exist that link fellow caregivers together for added emotional support and information exchange, ranging from basic advice to more complex problems, [...]

What are support groups and how can they help me? If I decide to try out a group, how do I locate one right for me? People with cancer and their family members often find that talking to other people who are also affected by cancer helps them understand that they are not alone. They [...]

Even though I feel overwhelmed, I don’t think it’s right to think of my needs right now. Shouldn’t I be doing everything possible to help the patient? In times of crisis and great distress, we are often able to summon tremendous reserves of strength and endurance to protect and support our loved ones who are [...]

I have not seen my friends for weeks. Sometimes I feel that I just need to get away from the hospital, doctors, and the cancer for a while. How can I do this without feeling too guilty? Spending time with your friends and supportive family members is one of the most important buffers against stress [...]

Am I getting “burned out”? What are the signs, and how do you prevent caregiver burnout? The chronic stresses of caregiving—being responsible and providing care for another person while adjusting your own life according to that person’s needs—can leave you feeling overburdened, resentful, and depressed. Unless these stresses are relieved, or you find ways to [...]

How Can I Manage This Practically? Focus on one day at a time, one moment at a time, and solving one problem at a time. Try to move beyond thinking about the past, “what-ifs,” and “why’s.” Instead, focus on the present and about how you and your partner are going to cope with the current [...]

Lately I seem to think a lot about other bad things that have happened to me in my life. I don’t usually dwell on the past. Is something wrong with me now? Thinking about the past can serve many useful purposes. When things go wrong and life becomes difficult, it’s natural to wonder why such [...]

After telling my wife she had cancer, one of the first things the doctor suggested was that she stop smoking. She’s tried in the past, but it hasn’t worked. How can I help her? It’s not easy to give up tobacco use. It’s all the more difficult when there is a physical dependency involved. Many [...]

Often, people need help answering difficult questions that arise about their spirituality and beliefs—some-times they may even question long-held beliefs. Many people wonder why they or their family member was diagnosed with cancer, and they speculate about whether God is punishing them, or maybe testing them. These thoughts are common, but they also can create [...]

Other than, “ The doctors will take care of it.” How do I break through his denial? “Denial” is a loaded word. Many people use the word denial, typically when referring to it as a negative way to cope. However, denial, in fact, can be a useful coping technique, serving as a defense mechanism to [...]

Relaxation techniques can reduce distress during certain treatments (such as chemotherapy or radiation therapy). Relaxation also has helped people reduce their perception of pain. One can start simply by using self-taught relaxation techniques, such as simple deep breathing techniques, which can be very effective. People with cancer may bring calm music CDs or tapes to [...]