One of my first jobs was working for a major medical center in New York State. I was part of the organizational development (OD) department, which was headed by one of those worst types of managers. Glenn Stark was the unpredictable type. One day he would be your best friend, friendly, communicative, and approachable. The next day he would be a tyrant. He would yell, ridicule, and be dictatorial. However, being able to read or "listen" to Glenn’s nonverbal behaviors proved to be helpful to my success and the success of my colleagues in the OD department. I will never forget what I am about to describe, and this occurred over twenty years ago. Every morning I would gather my colleagues and we would go to the window in our offices that faced the parking lot. We would watch the way Glenn pulled into his parking spot and how he would get out of his car and walk into the building. If he slammed the car door, had a "mean" look on his face, walked very rapidly, or was pounding his fist into the newspaper we knew to keep away from Glenn. He was in a bad mood, and if we went anywhere near him, life would be miserable for us. On the other hand, if he had a smile on his face, waved to other people, held the building door open for others, or had an uplifting gait, we would approach him and get whatever we wanted!
As we have already discussed, we listen in two major ways: verbally and nonverbally. Most communication experts believe that about 75 percent of meaning is derived from nonverbal communication and only about 25 percent from verbal. Being able to listen nonverbally to others at work is essential for managerial success. Also, keep in mind that as a manager, your employees are continually interpreting your nonverbal communication.
Nonverbal-listening responses fall into several categories: vocal, body language, facial expressions/eye contact, and proximity. Here are some suggestions for increasing effectiveness in each of the categories.
Vocal
When we listen vocally or when others are listening to us vocally, meaning is acquired through voice tone, rate/pace of speech, volume, and pronunciation/articulation.
- Tone refers to the quality and pitch of the voice. A manager needs to speak with a well-modulated tone, varying emphasis depending on what is being said. Managers need to avoid the one-pitch tone. A monotonous voice is a noise factor and makes the listening experience very boring.
- Rate/pace refers to how fast or slow you speak. Managers who speak too fast or slow or who never vary the pace lose the listener.
- Volume refers to how loudly or softly you speak. Many listeners find a voice that is too loud to be aggressive behavior. They feel the speaker is trying to get his way at the expense of the listener. When the speaker’s voice is too low, the listener feels as if the speaker doesn’t want to self-disclose or isn’t interested in communicating. The listener also misses what could be important information.
- Pronunciation/articulation refers to how you say your words— your accent, diction, and inflection. In today’s multinational and multicultural workplaces, we must be aware that even though most people speak English, words are often pronounced differently. In addition, understanding different accents can be difficult. As a manager, you may feel that you are articulating your words correctly. You may be. That is no guarantee, however, that all of your employees will understand you. You may think you do not have an accent, but to someone from a different country or even a different region in the United States, you have an accent. Managers need to ask for clarification to make sure that they have been understood.
The Case of the Low Talker
Many years ago I hired Alec to assist me on some projects I was working on. He had a very soft voice and I had to ask Alec to repeat himself many times before I was able to hear him. I gave him feedback on his vocal quality, but he never changed. His work was great, so I didn’t mind that much. One day we were at lunch and I was preoccupied with some personal issues. Alec was talking to me, but I couldn’t hear him. I just pretended to listen (something effective listeners shouldn’t do) and I agreed to whatever he said by nodding my head or saying, "Sure, I understand." Two weeks later, on payday, Alec asked me what happened to his 20 percent raise. This time he spoke loudly. "What pay raise?" I asked. "The one you agreed to two weeks ago at lunch," he replied.
The Garage Case
Last summer I was doing a presentation in South Africa and asked a fellow speaker who I had just met to join me for a drink. During our discussion, he mentioned that as a side business he was opening a "GAR-age." I had no idea what he meant. I sat there bewildered until I finally asked him what a "GAR-age" was. You see, South Africans put the emphasis on the first syllable and Americans put it on the second (ga-RAGE—or a "garage" to you and me).
Body Language
We send messages by the way we stand, move, or sit, and what we do with our arms, legs, and head. For example, someone who stands tall and erect with a relaxed posture communicates a strong presence, self-assuredness, and assertive behavior. Someone who is hunched over, has bent knees, and fidgets a lot is communicating the opposite message. Often body language has a generally agreed-on interpretation by people with similar cultural backgrounds. For example, in some cultures having arms folded over the chest is viewed as a defensive posture, signifying someone who’s not being open. It could have other meanings, however—the person could be cold or have an itch.
Body Language Suggestions
- Face the person.
- Lean slightly toward the person you are speaking with.
- Hold your head up.
- Relax your hands and arms.
- Use natural but energetic and purposeful movements.
Facial Expressions/Eye Contact
Facial expression and eye contact are the most revealing ways that demonstrate to others whether we are listening to them. By facial expressions I mean looking concerned, angry, scared, happy, annoyed, devastated, elated, etc. Other examples of facial expression include raising or lowering your eyebrows, wrinkling your forehead, and dropping your chin. A smile is also considered a facial expression. It usually signifies that the listener is being receptive to what the speaker is saying. There has been some interesting research done on smiling. Some people rarely smile, like the Task Monger manager from Non-Communicator. They don’t smile because it physically hurts them to do so. They aren’t accustomed to using their "smile" muscles. (Some babies born without these smile muscles even require surgery.) Many managers are uncomfortable maintaining eye contact with their employees. This could be because of cultural upbringing or lack of experience in speaking directly to other people. If this is the case, they may look at the bridge of the nose, the eyebrows, or the forehead of the speaker.
Facial Expression/Eye Contact Suggestions
- Your facial expressions need to be consistent (congruent) with the feelings you are expressing.
- Eye contact should be direct, relaxed, and steady (not staring).
- You should maintain eye contact about 80 percent of the time, occasionally and briefly glancing away.
- If you intend to take notes during a conversation, it is always best to let the other person know or else they may think you are working on your shopping list. When taking notes, you still need to maintain eye contact at least 60–70 percent of the time.
Proximity
The physical distance or space between two people has a large impact on how successful the listening experience will be. If you are too far away, the listener will get the impression that you are not interested and really don’t want to be involved in the listening situation. If you are standing too close, you have "invaded" someone’s space and as soon as you do, the listening stops.
Much that is communicated in the workplace is not verbalized. As listeners and managers we need to remember that when someone is not talking, he is communicating. An important skill of successful listening is being able to listen to the vocal and visual behaviors—the nonverbals.
The Case of the Close Talker
One of the production managers I was consulting with at an aerospace company was bright, helpful, and had quite a sense of humor. But he was a "close talker." He would come right up to my face, maybe three inches away, and begin speaking. I didn’t hear a word he said. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable.