The five styles of listening are:
- Comprehensive
- Fact-Finding
- Directive
- Empathetic
- Appreciative
It is important that managers are able to use all of the styles in developing their team members. The style used should depend on the listening situation the manager is in. Different styles are required for different situations. For example, if a manager needs to calm down a team member and reassure him, then the manager would use the empathetic style.
Many managers tend to overuse the listening style(s) that they feel most comfortable with or have had the most practice with. They are often unaware that they do not use a certain style at all. Other managers feel comfortable with all styles, but they use them at the wrong time! For example, when they should be listening in a directive mode, they are being empathetic, or when they should be listening comprehensively, they are being appreciative. Let’s take a closer look at these five listening styles.
Comprehensive
Managers who prefer or use this style listen for the entire message. They try to comprehend everything that is being communicated to them. The comprehensive style of listening works best for those situations where a lot of information is being shared and where the manager needs to get an overview or overall summary of what has been said to her. For example, a manager’s employees might be giving her all the reasons why they feel their team is not working effectively together and what they believe can be done to remedy the situation. Knowing all of the facts and information will help the manager make a decision about what to do. To be a comprehensive listener you have to be patient, allow the other person(s) to talk, ask open-ended questions, clarify your understanding throughout (which will be discussed later in this chapter), and summarize what you have heard.
Open-ended questions require longer, more complex answers and draw out a wide range of responses. Examples of open-ended questions include:
- What are a few examples of how the team is not working together?
- What are several additional strategies for building team spirit?
- Think of the best teams you have ever been on. What made those teams work so well together?
- Could you elaborate on what you mean by "team barriers"?
Summarize at the end of a conversation. If it is a lengthy discussion, then summarize at intermittent points. A summary statement may be something like this:
"Let me summarize what I understood you to say. You said (a) ____________, (b) ____________, and (c) ____________. Now, was there anything else affecting the problem?"
Managers who do not prefer the comprehensive style of listening are often time pressured or impatient; they may not value the thoughts and opinions of their staff, or are not comfortable communicating with others.
Fact-Finding
Managers who prefer this style listen only for specific information. They need to find out a date, or the third step in the new procedure, or how much the client is willing to pay. They tune out everything else and only listen for what they need to know. To be a fact-finding listener, tell your employee what information you are looking for. Then ask specific, direct, or close-ended questions. Direct questions require a short answer; close-ended questions require a yes or no response. Examples are:
- Did you reply to the customer by three o’clock today?
- Which profile form did you insert in the shipment?
- What price did we charge last year?
- When did you first discover the problem?
Managers who do not prefer this style of listening like to engage in lengthy discussions and see the big picture. They want to know everything and find it difficult to have brief listening experiences.
Directive
Some managers prefer to listen in order to direct someone to do something. Directing can also include offering advice and attempting to do the thinking for the speaker. This listening strategy may be effective with employees at the lower productivity stages. But it should be avoided as much as possible with employees at the higher stages because you want them to do the thinking. To be a directive listener you have to be able to tell someone what to do and why it needs to be done that way. Here are some examples:
Example 1
Employee: I am having problems with Andy. He never gives me the information that I need to complete the customer profile unless I ask him six or seven times.
Directive Listener (manager): Come to me the next time it happens and I will speak with Andy and get you what you need.
Example 2
Team Member: I just cannot get along with the marketing department. They never give me a straight answer.
Directive Listener (manager): Let me give you some advice. When dealing with marketing this is what you have to do. First, ____________.
Managers who do not prefer to use the directive style find it difficult to tell others what to do or come across as the expert. They either want the other person to make the decision or come to a joint decision.
Empathetic
The empathetic listener allows a team member to talk without feeling that he’s being criticized or judged. The empathetic listener also listens to and acknowledges the feeling and the emotions that the person is experiencing. Being an empathetic listener is appropriate when someone is going through a difficult time at work or in his personal life, has just had a setback at work, or is stressed or overburdened. A manager can also express empathy when someone is feeling happy, elated, or excited.
A large part of being an empathetic listener is to listen to nonverbal communication—that is, the other person’s body language and tone of voice.
Of all of the listening styles, empathetic listener is the hardest one for most managers. It takes a lot of practice and willingness to recognize the feelings and emotions of others and to be supportive of how they are feeling. The idea is not to say that they are right or wrong for feeling that way, but just to recognize what they are going through. Feelings are not right or wrong. They just are. When someone’s feelings or emotions are acknowledged, that person knows the manager is really listening.
Example 1
Team Member: I completed the project early and the client just sent me this congratulatory note. Take a look at it!
Empathetic Listener (manager): You sound so proud and happy. That’s great.
Example 2
Team Member: I am having such a tough time with our new client. She immediately agrees and then days later changes her mind.
Empathetic Listener (manager): You sound very distressed and frustrated. Dealing with clients is one of the most challenging things. I have had some very difficult ones as well. I know what you are going through.
Managers who do not use the empathetic style find it hard to recognize and acknowledge their own feelings and emotions and the feelings and emotions of others. They also believe that feelings should not be part of the workplace. These managers may not think it is appropriate to disclose anything about their personal lives, either.
Appreciative
At times we need to listen to a team member in an appreciative way. She may be telling you about one of her great accomplishments or have a very interesting "war story" for you. She may be telling you how great her daughter did in last Saturday’s soccer game. As an appreciative listener, you just listen. You do not ask questions or add your opinion. You acknowledge what they are saying, verbally or nonverbally.
Of all the listening styles, this one is used the least. Time pressures and the increasing focus on task and the bottom line in most organizations has caused this style of listening to decrease. But those managers who can listen in an appreciative way build rapport, trust, and a constructive working relationship with their team.
Example
Team Member: Last week I finally got to meet Mr. G and, boy, was I nervous, after all the terrible things I had heard about him. But I figured out how to handle him.
Appreciative Listener (manager): Tell me.
Team Member: Well, early on, I realized that if I was going to get him on my side, I would have to let him do all the talking. And did it work! Let me tell you how I figured this out.
Appreciative Listener: I can’t wait to hear. (leans in close and lowers voice)
Appreciative listening is difficult for managers who are only task focused. If a team member is not communicating something vital or informative, they will stop listening. They just do not see the value in it.
Once again, managers need to be aware of which styles they are not comfortable with and practice them more. They also need to be aware if they are misusing any of these styles. That is, are they using the wrong style for the particular listening situation? Mismatches between what the situation calls for and the listening style used may lead team members to believe that they are not being listened to.